A Letter to My Daughter

My Dearest Khloe’,

           

            It seems like just last week I was holding you as you were snuggled so tight in your hospital blanket wearing your little pink beanie; so fragile. Tears rolled down my cheeks as you stared up at me and made eye contact with me for the first time. It was like a piece of my soul was given to you in that moment. We would forever be a part of one another even when we couldn’t be together, physically.

Long distance relationships can be the ultimate test of love and commitment. Sure, times are different now than they were before the luxuries of telecommunication, Skype and email, when people actually put pen to paper and mailed letters, a nearly forgotten art in our world today. Couples that try to keep the flame burning whilst living miles and miles away from each other. The test of long distance love between husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend can be very demanding, but a greater test than between the love of a father and daughter; there is none.

Throughout the past three years of your life we have been apart more than I care to admit. Through deployments, separations between your mother and I and other military obligations, our love has never faded and our bond has never been broken. It hurts and I may not always be there, but I hope that one day this letter will find you and help you to make perfect sense of all of this. I don’t know what the future holds for you, as everyone has their own paths in life that they must follow but what I do know is that in this letter are a few of the things that I’ve learned about life.

Appreciate the small things. In life it’s the small things that matter most, those little things that most people forget about or take for granted. When they happen, you’ll know and it’s important that you fully appreciate them because, one day, you may look back and wonder where the time went and those little moments will fade into memory. Its not the flashy cars or expensive clothes, it’s knowing that the clothes on your back are more than they seem and that there are people out there that don’t get to put on fresh clothes every morning when they wake up. Focus on the positive. The world is a cruel and dangerous place sometimes, but don’t always focus on the negative things in life because the world also has a beauty in it that takes a keen eye to see. When you experience the world’s beauty, take it in, soak in it and let it be a part of you. Take risks. As mean as the world can be, know that its ok to make yourself vulnerable and take risks from time to time because if you don’t, you will never grow as a person and you will never learn from your mistakes. Fall in love. Don’t be afraid to fall in love but remember to keep your guard up and only open your heart to the ones that deserve it most. Know that your heart will get broken, but you’ll be ok, I promise. I know it hurts and you’ll surely feel lost and confused, but time will pass and you will look back and realize that you weren’t as in love as you thought you were. Have faith. When you feel lost have faith and let God take you by the hand and guide you. He will never lead you astray. When you feel like you’re at rock bottom, turn to God. He will help. But also remember to be thankful and to thank God every day for the opportunities that He has given you. Focus on your happiness. Remember to concentrate on your own happiness and don’t ever let anyone tell you that you’re not good enough or that you can’t do something because, ultimately, no one or no thing will ever be good enough for you! No one out there, other than me, is going to go out of their way to make things happen for you better than you yourself. Go for it! When you find something in life that you’re passionate about, pursue it and make it happen. Don’t stop when it gets too tough because nothing worth having in life comes easy. Hard work and dedication will always yield positive results and remember that if you find something you love doing, you’ll never work a day in your life. Be true to yourself. Never try to pretend to be someone else in order to make an impression. Always be yourself and let people fall in love with who you are because, in the end, people will always show their true colors. Let your true colors be the first thing they see.  Everything happens for a reason. Always remember that things happen, good and bad. People will come in and out of your life every day. It’s important to remember that everything happens for a reason and that you can’t always change fate. With that said, however, when you find something worth holding on to don’t let go of it even if it alters your own fate.

Stay positive and always remain a child at heart because in your heart is where you will always find true happiness. No matter what remember that when times get tough, it’s okay and that you’ll always be my Khloebear.

                                                Love,

                                               Daddy

Life: One Big Game of Chess

From the time that we’re old enough to know right from wrong or to know the consequences of our decisions our lives become much more complicated. We’re no longer able to use the excuse “I didn’t know”. Once we begin to mature and take control of our lives we look back wishing, with nostalgia, and longing for times of little or no responsibility that we took for granted as children. But as we grow older life becomes a game of chess; full of decisions and moves that require strategy and anticipation and thinking two moves ahead of your opponent. And make no mistake, we all have our opponents. Pawns that are easily expendable that we use as we begin learning the consequences of our decisions, our mistakes that we learn from in order to use later on in life. Once our pawns are taken from us we begin to realize that we’re vulnerable, not as strong as we once thought and that we have fewer and fewer moves to make. We start looking outside the box and widening our horizons in an attempt to avoid making the same mistakes that cost us our pawns. We start looking to our Knights, Rooks and our Bishops to take the front lines in place of our long gone pieces that we thought were invincible. Although stronger and able to move farther and in more directions, our Knights, Rooks and Bishops slowly get picked off, one by one, as a price we pay of more poor decisions and sacrifices in order to protect the King. Knights- being limited to short moves, yet more than the pawn; Rooks- able to travel the distance of the board but only in the same row in which they already stand; Bishops- able to move diagonally but limited to the same color squares: all pieces that are restricted and unable to roam freely, allowing them to be taken as a result in more poor decision making. Finally, this leaves us with our Queen and our King; unmistakably the most two important pieces of the game, the pieces that we must protect at all costs. These are the pieces that pay for all of those dumb mistakes and to which all of those sacrifices were made. The Queen and The King. What is one without the other? Because, in the end, all they have are each other. They can’t always depend on others to protect them and they have to stick together. Everyone has their own King and Queen that they will make the ultimate sacrifice to save. The Queen is able to move in any and all directions, taking out all threats to her King: the most vicious yet loving piece on the board. If she is gone, the King is gone. Without the Queen there is no King. Even in the end they go out together.

There is no one single piece in Chess as there is no one single person in life. Yes, it may be your life, but we all need our pawns, our rooks, our bishops, our knights, our Queens, and our Kings if we’re going to checkmate our opponent in our ultimate pursuit of happiness. If we continue to ignore what’s right in front of us and never take risks, we will always lose to our opponents and at every turn we will continue to hear the word “Checkmate”. So learn from your pawns, learn from your mistakes and don’t be afraid to take risks and make sacrifices for those that you love and care about most because, in the end, nothing else matters. Whatever or whomever your opponent may be, don’t let them outwit you and always remember to think two moves ahead in the pursuit of your own true happiness.  

True Untouched Wilderness: My Backpacking Trip in Yosemite

What initially started as a plan, based solely off of an impulse, to experience a backpacking trip through New Zealand's breath taking mountain ranges turned into a trip to a place in my own backyard that would likely give New Zealand a run for its money. After months of planning, buying all of the necessary gear, requesting leave through my command, and even submitting paperwork for a U.S. Passport, I woke up one morning with an epiphany: "Why go through all of the trouble to see the beauty of another country when I haven't even fully experienced the beauty of my own." With this, started my contingency plan, my trip to Yosemite National Park.

Once I decided that Yosemite would be my destination I began making a few tweeks to my itinerary. I obviously no longer needed a passport so that saved me $180, or perhaps I should say that it allowed me to spend $180 on more gear. I bought a topographical map of Yosemite and mapped out a 49.2 mile route from Tuolumne Meadows, along Rafferty Creek to Yosemite Valley, and back up the John Muir Trail to our point of origin. After a few final trips to REI, I finally had everything I needed to spend five days in solitude, away from the constant flow of life and the non-stop, fast paced city that I had grown to tolerate. Although my trip wouldn't take place for another two months, I had everything I needed packed in my Osprey Aether 70 liter pack and ready to go. However, one thing was missing. I knew that experiencing something like this alone wouldn't be as rewarding than if I invited someone to keep me company. So I began considering a hiking buddy.

After giving consideration to whom I thought would truly appreciate the countryside of our beautiful nation, I decided to invite Richard and Scott, co-workers who also had a love and appreciation of hiking and the outdoors. They jumped on the opportunity and began their planning with less than a month left until we hit the road on our seven hour road trip from San Diego to Yosemite. After submitting our leave and working out the last minute kinks, we were ready. But wouldn't you know, a wildfire had sparked in Yosemite just in time for our departure.

We decided that my truck would be the best option of travel due to the space in the bed, but at 16 highway miles per gallon, I was less optimistic to say the least. With no other option, we hit the road at 8:00 a.m on the dot and arrived at a gorgeous little hotel outside the Yosemite border called The Berkshire Inn. Upon our arrival we were greeted by the owner's dog, an older but yet energetic white Lab named Buster. After moving in our bags and making all of the last necessary adjustments to our packs, it was time to relax. As the sun was just setting behind the neighboring Sierra Nevada mountain range, we decided to kick back on the raised wooden deck of the hotel, throw back a few Samuel Adam's Octoberfest brews and mentally prepare ourselves for the beating we were about to take.

The next morning, after waking to the sun peeking through the drapes of room 6, I arose and began gathering my gear. After loading everything into the truck I decided to head over to the complimentary breakfast which turned out to be mediocre at best, but what did I care? I was about to survive the next 5 days on dehydrated Mountain House meals and GORP (Good Ol' Raisins and Peanuts). After checking out we were on our last leg of the road trip to our final destination, or at least we wished it could be.

After picking up our wilderness permit from the local Tuolumne Meadows ranger station and staying our first night in a local backpackers' campground we were finally ready to hit the trail. Everything was going smooth, other than some pretty steep climbs up to Vogelsang Lake, which would be the site of our first night's camp. After boiling some water from the lake, eating our dehydrated meals and trying our luck at fishing (which yielded no catch) it was time to rest our tired legs and aching backs. As daylight began to fade and light from the sun was slowly replaced by the brightness of the stars and constellations of the night sky, we were humbled at how truly small we were. So insignificant among the millions of stars hanging over our heads like the famous New Zealand glowworms. It was beautiful.

From our campsite at Vogelsang Lake

The next morning we began our hike through Vogelsang Pass and down the steep switchbacks on to our destination to Merced Lake. However, with the wildfire still raging, we were forced to make some changes to our route near the Merced Lake ranger station. Instead of camping at Merced Lake that night, we were forced to head South to Washburn Lake, but in Yosemite everywhere you go there is nothing but beauty to be had, so we didn't care. As it turned out, Washburn Lake was even more beautiful than we had imagined. With the steep granite cliffs littered with trees towering over the lake, it made for some outstanding photos and, with the sandy beaches, an even better campsite. However, the best was yet to come.

Vogelsang Pass

Merced Lake ranger station

Washburn Lake

Twilight over Washburn Lake

Our third day began with a quick three mile hike back to the Merced Lake ranger station. We had planned to hike back up the way we came since the trails to Yosemite Valley were closed due to the wildfire; however, once we arrived back at the ranger station, much to our surprise, the pink ribbon and "trail closed" signs had been removed. We were ecstatic. After a few confused looks and some shoulder shrugging we decided to go for it. Our original itinerary was back on.  Everything was going great up until the 11th mile on the trail when we noticed the freshly burned conifers and smoldering stumps. By this point we had already traveled nearly 12 miles and we weren't about to turn back and waste a day's travel so we decided to reluctantly push on through the soft ash and char coaled wood. For the next four miles we waded through ankle deep ash and the smell burnt wood that closely resembled sticking your nose inches from a campfire. The smell consumed us. After passing dead animals that hadn't been lucky enough to outrun the grasps of the wildfire's heat and stumps that were still on fire, we finally began to see green again instead of the dreadful dull grey that surrounded us. The first signs of live for miles.

The beginning of the wildfire

First signs of life

My first stop upon our arrival at the backpackers' camp at the base of Half Dome was at the ranger station to see what in the hell had just happened. I had asked why the tape was removed at the Merced Lake trailhead if the wildfire was still burning and what our options were to get back to Tuolumne Meadows. After trading a few laughs with the semi attractive blonde haired ranger, she informed me that they had sent a ranger from Merced to see if the trail was safe to reopen to the public upon which she asked, "Well, was it safe?"

Our trip ended a day early and 10 miles short with a cab ride back up to Tuolumne since the trails that we had the privilege of being the only ones in the entire park to hike were still closed to the public. Overall, I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. Spending time at Yosemite made me realize that California isn't all "hustle and bustle" and the state does have some of the most beautiful untouched wilderness that the world has to offer. The same wilderness that existed many years ago during the Civil War and during the California Gold Rush. What began as a parcel of land teeming with Indians was eventually deemed a National Park by our very own 16th President, Abraham Lincoln. So even though we may get caught up in our daily lives and forget where we came from or we take the many things we have for granted, it is important to get out and experience what our great outdoors has to offer. You may just leave with the experience of a lifetime.

Switchbacks down into Yosemite Valley

Scott waiting on the cab 

Everlasting Love

Love: A word that is and has always been unexplainable by the human vocabulary, no matter what language you speak. For centuries, mankind has tried and failed to define the word time and time again to no avail. So many questions, so many doubts, and so many uncertainties have been raised when it comes to love. Adam and Eve, Romeo and Juliet: stories of people who come together under impossible circumstances for those that they love, not taking “no” as an answer when faced with tribulations that would so easily be taken for granted today.

What makes up the true meaning of the word? What truly defines what love is made of? What is it about us, as humans, that feel the longing desire to love and to be loved by someone else? What is it about our beings and our souls that connect to others, to make ourselves so vulnerable to someone and become infatuated with everything about them? What has happened to the meanings of love and passion as time has passed: all questions that may never be answered and rightfully so since the true meaning of love is, itself, a mystery. What happened to the times when a guy would ride for days on horseback to court the woman he loved or the times when true love was as common as today’s divorce rates? Times have changed and centuries have passed yet we are no closer to defining the true definition of the word. When God created man did he put something in our souls that would prepare us to overcome the violence that he knew would some day come? Love? The ability to sympathize, to care, a “soft spot” in our soul that would overcome all evil. Whatever His intentions, I’m sure he knew that that feeling would become a part of us that we would never be able to explain, no matter how technologically advanced we became as a species.

We go our entire lives searching, hoping that perhaps some day someone will sweep us off our feet and catch us when we fall into love. Meeting someone so unexpectedly that when we go to sleep that night we feel as if we are a completely different person that when we woke that very same morning. It is in our nature to “go with the grain” and follow the social norms set by society, yet we sometimes forget just how important it is to love someone and to be loved back. At what point in history did we decide that it was ok to settle? Perhaps when King Henry VIII set the standards for divorce? We may never know. We can only rekindle our connection with true of meaning of love, whatever that meaning may be.

Love is such a powerful feeling when it first forms as a result of a strong connection with someone. But why does it fade? Why is it so hard to put the words “love” and “everlasting” in the same sentence? Why do we become so infatuated with what makes a person tick only to grow apart from them as time passes. Is love really everlasting? I truly believe that it can be if the circumstances are right and we are willing to take leap of faith on someone.

I can’t define the meaning of love from someone else’s perspective; however, I can try to explain it from my own. What I do know about love is that it is, in fact, a very fragile and sensitive emotion that is not formed from any physical part of our bodies or from pleasures of the flesh. It opens us up to vulnerabilities and heartbreak, it turns us against everything that we instinctively do to stay strong in this violent, cruel and love absent world that we live in. It’s a very scary place, our world today. We love those closest to us as family in a completely different way since those that we grow up with are often times always going to be there no matter what. This doesn’t hold true to someone we meet at a park, at a grocery store, or at a wedding under completely unexpected circumstances. People we meet randomly come and go and change like the seasons. It would be natural in the world that we live in to keep our guard up and to be cautious with our hearts, with our love. Especially since people in today’s society take such a precious thing for granted. When you fall head over heels in love with someone and open yourself to the possibility of being hurt, why let it fade? Is it in our promiscuous nature that we allow ourselves to fall out of love just as easily as we fall into it? In the times of technology, dating websites, Internet porn, prostitution, violence and hate, I can see why love has become such a rarity among people.

Sure, there may be times when we think we have fallen in love when, in reality, we have only tip toed through it. We may wake up one day and realize that we aren’t as in love as we thought we were. It happens, but its all too common. We may love and lose, but time will go on and we will be ok. We learn from the pain and we look at our scars to remind of where we come from and where we’ve been. Its up to us not to make the same mistake twice. When your heart is covered in scars its not as tender and sensitive as it once was. It becomes tough like scar tissue, hard to break and hard to penetrate. The mistakes we make, unfortunately, stay with us forever, hanging over our heads like a rain cloud, reminding us of why we shouldn’t fall in love so easily or being afraid that the person that we were meant to love is only a figment of our imaginations that we only hear about through generations of hopeful stories.

We may never be able to define the true meaning of everlasting love, but its out there, somewhere. It may be like looking up at the night sky and trying to find a star that we cant even see with our naked eye, but its up to us to find it and up to fate to let it find us. We shouldn’t let the things that we cant control overcome us. We can only hope that we are found by that special person that isn’t afraid to take a risk, that isn’t afraid to make themselves vulnerable to someone that they love. But if it happens, if we are found, we should never take advantage and we should never let it fade. Its up to us to keep the flame burning even when the winds of our society try to extinguish it.